Cheap Bastard heads to Zimbabwe on greatest golf adventure ever

The Cheap Bastard is in a pickle. A really big pickle (obviously). After years of giving of myself, management now wants more. "Where are the great deals you promised," they asked. "Why don't you post more," they scream. "If we have to chase you out of t…

Pig out on a succulent Hawaii golf package

The Cheap Bastard loves Hawaii. What's not to love? Beautiful, exotic women, glorious golf opportunities, fabulous beaches – it's a true paradise. And let El Cheapo let you in on a secret: If you get a shovel and dig anywhere on any one of the Hawaiian I…

Cheap Bastard advice: 1. Buy Bob Hope golf stuff at auction, 2, Use that stuff to pummel Wolfrum

The Cheap Bastard despises William K. Wolfrum with the intensity of a thousand flame-broiled cheeseburgers. Wolfrum – a whiney, Marxist/Communist/Socialist/Terrorist/Stupidist that doesn't even have the courage to live in the United States – recently…

Golf Vancouver, B.C., because Canada is the nicest part of the U.S.

The Cheap Bastard doesn't spend much time up north. Especially not after that seal clubbing incident. But sometimes even yours truly needs to get out of his comfort zone – and let me tell you it a true Zone of Comfort – and see what's happening with our…

Save the USA: Book a golf vacation to Mexico and toss out an illegal immigrant on the way

Folks, your pal the Cheap Bastard has come up with a fool-proof plan on how to get you playing golf at some of the world's most beautiful golf courses for less, and save the country from the scourge of illegal immigration, as well.

Here's what you do,…

Some Florida Valentine’s Day golf package ideas from a Cheap Bastard

Appearances aside, the Cheap Bastard is the romantic type. El Bastardo treats his woman like a queen, lavishing her with gifts, tender words, and the occasional romantic golf package for two to a Florida resort.

So it really makes you wonder why Los C…

Get your golf travel deals from and send William Shatner back to making movies in Esperanto

Back when El Cheapo here was a Teenage Bastard, he remembers the endless rumors of how you could go to government auctions and buy a Jeep for $1. It sounded fantastic, of course, but then you noticed that you never met anyone who had gotten a Jeep like t…

Joe Beck’s free golf video tips kick ass, plain and simple

The Cheap Bastard likes things that are inexpensive and that should go without saying. And his Royal Cheapness would never steer you wrong or give bad advice. Don't for an instant confuse me with my brother Rat.

Because here's the thing, El Bastardo m…

Free golf balls for a year and “World’s Funniest Golf Balls” makes terrible writing here more bearable

The Cheap Bastard is constantly amazed at just how low the bar has dropped for golf writers. As if guys like Chris Baldwin, Tim McDonald and Brandon Tucker aren’t bad enough, there’s Bill Wolfrum, one of those wimpy liberal types who gets offended at his own shadow.

Luckily, Wolfrum – who’s as funny as Al Gore on sedatives – is smart enough to talk to funny people. That helps. Take a look at his feature on comedian Mike McDonald and his “World’s Funniest Golf Balls.” Despite Wolfrum’s best attempts, McDonald comes off as funny, and his new product seems like a fun idea. I may get myself some “Axis of Evil” golf balls if McDonald gives me a deal, of course.

Still, if its golf balls you’re after, why not get them for free? Today’s Golfer has a fun competition going on where a little sleuthing can get you a year’s supply of TaylorMade golf balls. The final date for entry is Jan. 31, so head over to Today’s Golfer to find out what you need to do to enter and win.

So enjoy the story on the World’s Funniest Golf Balls and good luck winning a year’s supply of TaylorMades. It’s the least you deserve for putting up with writers like Baldwin and Wolfrum. And I’m not even going to get started on Ron Mon.

Free Skies means Australia is 2008 golf destination of the year for U.S. travelers

The Cheap Bastard loves Australia. From the moment you arrive, hot, scantily clad women like Elle McPherson and Anna Rawson busy themselves giving you massages, while Russell Crowe and Paul Hogan fistfight to determine who will hand-feed you another shrimp. It’s glorious.

Ok, the Cheap Bastard has never been to Australia. But he has high hopes, and so should you. Because, right now, not only is Australia packed with sexy people, it also is looking for some golfers, because the locals aren’t keeping up with the pace of play.

It seems that local courses in and around Sydney have gone as far as to offer nine-hole round deals, so busy Australians can go about their day of looking beautiful, eating well and then going to bed with their equally beautiful spouse. There’s just no time for golf for the majority of them, I’m afraid.

“Membership numbers have been sliding for some time,” Greg Mills of the NSW Golf Association told the Brisbane Times. “You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to realise that something imaginative has to be done to stop it.”

One thing that could stop the downward trend in golf is tourism, and a new “Free Skies” proposal between the U.S. and Australia is very promising and they will discuss it again in early February, with both countries believing they will profit from such a deal. Golfers will especially approve of it, as the added flights (up to 14 a day) could well help knock down the often high prices of U.S. to Australia travel.

In the mean time, check with our friends at or to see what kind of deals they can get you on an all-exclusive golf trip Down Under.

Because, folks, Australia is out there. Waiting with its gumdrop mountains, naked voluptuous women, either exceedingly drunk or over-ambitious men who generally ignore said naked women, and great golf. It’s a dream destination to just about all of us. This may finally be the year to book that trip.

Golf Girl the sexiest golf blogger on the planet – buy anything she tells you to

The Cheap Bastard is in love. Yes, yours truly has finally found a woman deserving of his own unique brand of love. Horrible, sweaty, nearly illegal love. That’s because El Bastardo has finally found the woman of his dreams – Patricia Hannigan, author of Golf Girl’s Diary, and a Goddess with a capital “GODDESS.”

Think this Bastard would lie to you? Check out the picture below:

Patricia Hannigan

I mean, are you freakin’ kidding me??? Why hasn’t anyone told me about her? Or sent me pictures?

Anyway, here’s the dealio. It seems that the amazing Patricia is married. That’s the bad news. The good news – she’s married to some French dude. That means it can’t be serious. So one of the things she does at her blog is to pimp products. What I want from you is to go buy said products, then let her know you bought them because of me, the Cheap Bastard. Eventually, she’ll fall madly in love with me and we’ll have an affair that will be so hot it would break every rule in every religious book you can find.

So here’s some of the stuff she’s promoted:

So head over to Golf Girl’s Diary, watch her videos, look at her pictures, read her posts, buy stuff she promotes, and tell her that she needs a Cheap, chubby, redhead dude with freckles in her life.

If you need anymore inspiration, just click this link here. Or you can read more about her in this feature on her at

Celebrate Hugo Chavez’s big loss at a winning Burbank golf course

Hey Folks, happy Monday, or, as your pal Cheap Bastard likes to call it, “The Day Hugo Chavez Got Spanked in Venezuela” Day. Yes, our least favorite commie-pinko-scum-dictator got told by his people that they didn’t want a dictator. Or if they want a dictator, they don’t want him. Something like that. El Cheapo is sure that El Hugo will soon be blaming this on the U.S. because he’s a jerk like that.

So in honor of Chavez seeing his dreams of being Fidel Castro Jr. get dashed, lets take a look at a place that took some damage of its own, but still promises great deals to golfers.

It’s De Bell Municipal Golf Course in Burbank, Calif. Yes, Burbank, where you’ll be close enough to Hollywood stars to yell “Carson Daly is a douche!” and he’d hear you.

Anyway, it seems like the intelligent folks in Burbank used some creative financing to make nearly $10 million in improvements at the course, and recently demolished the old clubhouse as things get started.

It seems De Bell will get the improvements and it won’t cost taxpayers a cent, and they’ll still get a quality municipal run that they can play for low green fees. Read more about the story by clicking here.

So remember, if you want to stay on this Cheap Bastard’s good side, don’t be like Hugo Chavez and knock down golf courses to make soup kitchens. Knock down clubhouses to make even better clubhouses. And do it cheaply.

The Myrtle Beach Insider will find you great golf deals and savory Buffalo wings

The Cheap Bastard is good pals with Randy Inder, who writes the Myrtle Beach Insider blog over at We make an unbeatable team. With his good looks, charm and intelligence, and my ability to eat copious amounts of Buffalo wings, we are constantly in the company of beautiful women, and Buffalo wing salespeople.

One of the things I like about the Insider is that he’s never afraid to pick up a check (El Bastardo is terrified of it) and that he always knows where to find a deal, like yours truly.

Take right now, for instance. If you head over to, you can find out all about Wachesaw East Golf Club. Randy’s blogged about it just recently, in fact.

Here’s what the Cheapster likes about Wachesaw East – the green fees. For just $62.50, you can be playing a stylin’ Myrtle Beach course designed by the legendary Clyde Johnston. That’s a rate I can get behind gladly.

Here’s what one of Randy’s readers said about the course: “My experience at Wachesaw Plantation East was extremely delightful. The location of greens and overall topography of the course make it an exceptional experience. Once you have played the course you will want to establish a tradition of playing there whenever in the area.”

So if you want to find out more of the ins and outs of Myrtle Beach Golf, check out The Insider’s blog. And if you want some great deals on a Grand Strand golf package, check out the Stay and Play Packages has to offer.

Take it from the Bastard, the only thing better than great golf in Myrtle Beach is golfing with a guy who can help you score Buffalo wings.

They fought the law and the law won – now score great deals on golf gear!

The Cheap Bastard is a law-abiding citizen. But really only in the scientific sense. Meaning you’d never catch El Cheapo violating, say, the law of gravity. Or the Zeroth law of thermodynamics, which states “If two thermodynamic systems are each in thermal equilibrium with a third, then they are in thermal equilibrium with each other.”

But that probably goes without saying.

As for the laws of the land, well, yours truly can be pretty pick and choose-y most the times, as are many of you out there, it appears. That’s why I thought I’d bring an interesting article to your attention. It’s from Portfolio Weekly and titled “Deals so Good They Should be Illegal, and Once Were”. The article gives you the lowdown on police auctions in Virginia Beach. Click here to read all about it.

That’s about it. Just wanted to tell all you budget golfers out there that you can find great deals on top-of-the-line golf equipment at police auctions. And there are police auctions everywhere, as I recently found out at

There are folks out there breaking the law left and right and the police are taking their stuff and reselling it, so get off your duff and find a police auction near you. Remember, an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.

So take it from me, the Cheap “Unbalanced Force” Bastard, it’s a straight-up law of nature that police auctions are a blast for those looking for golf deals and more.

Arizona Golf: Save big money on green fees now that the heat is on

The Cheap Bastard is a carbon-based life form. But a highly flammable one. You see, where most people get pigment, yours truly got a mixture of rocket fuel and propane. Now, surprisingly, this makes my skin incredibly soft and supple. But sadly, my body could detonate the moment the temperatures hit 80.

Which is why, sadly, I am unable to take advantage of some of the great rates going on in Arizona right now. You see, right at this very moment, it’s roughly 115 degrees Celsius, cubed in Arizona. Those that manage golf courses realize this is a problem, at least the ones that aren’t too hot to think. So, green fees get cut, and demented and dedicated duffers can d … , d …., well, something that stars with a “d” that means “take advantage of.”

So right now, the weather is hot in Arizona and so are the deals. Take Kokopelli Golf Club for instance. During the peak season, you could be paying up to $80 for a round. Now golfers can play a round, get two drinks and use a cart for $20 on weekdays after 10 a.m. and $23 on weekends after 11 a.m., according to the Arizona Republic.

There are plenty of other deals going on in Arizona that the Cheap Bastard can’t take advantage of, and you can find out about them by calling (800) 426-6148 or by heading over to Arizona Golf Packages.

Just remember, if you’re playing golf in Arizona, stay hydrated. And if you happen to see the Cheap Bastard, run for it. I could go up like an old Pinto at any moment.