Forget Nicklaus, now Tiger Woods is after Wilt Chamberlain

There was a time when sports fans around the globe believed that Tiger Wood’s destiny lay at the feet of Jack Nicklaus.And while Tiger’s chase of Jack remains in place, it seems young Eldrick is now looking toward breaking the records of another historic American Athlete – Wilt Chamberlain.

Yes, for years we’ve always known Tiger Woods as a gifted and dedicated golfer with enough charisma to keep fans and reporters alike a swoon. That all changed a couple nights ago in an incident that involved a tree, an Escalade with Tiger driving it, and an angry wife smacking things with a golf club.

Truce no more.

Now, every golf reporter north of Antarctica is taking their dusty “journalism” caps out of the attic and investigating what’s going on with Tiger.

Personally, I think it’s simple. Tiger likes Sex with women that don’t answer to “Mrs. Woods.” And, being that Tiger only shoot for the greats, like Nicklaus on the golf course, it’s apparent he’s shooting for Wilt Chamberlain in the sack. Reports are tha Wilt the Stilt slept with 5.6 women every single day of his natural life.

Nobody though Tiger could make a run at the Golden Bear’s record for major victories. And no one will think Tiger could outscore Wilt. But remember this – just because what Tiger’s been doing is sleazy and wrong, doesn’t mean it should be written out of history. Let us not give up on Tiger Woods. Any record could be his, whether it be Jack’s or Wilt’s.


Tiger Woods: One of us! One of us!

When I first heard of Tiger Woods car accident today, my first thoughts were for his health. Then, after learning he's fine and already home, I started thinking what fantastic news this is for all of us.

You see, for years, Tiger Woods has thwarted ou…

Michelle Wie, Tiger Woods win on same day – nation’s golf media placed on Code Red

Not since man first came up with the idea to hit a ball with a stick until it's in a hole has the golf world had a bigger, more important day than yesterday. Yes, on one epic Sunday, both Tiger Woods and Michelle Wie won professional golf tournaments.…

Barack Obama must give Nobel Prize money to Tiger Woods

Since President Barack Obama was announced as the Nobel Peace Prize winner, I – unlike every other human on the planet – did not form an immediate opinion. There must be something to this that we're missing, thought I. And then it came to me – Tiger Wood…

A Kissing Bandit can spice up Steve Stricker, FedEx Cup

Now listen, I understand that much of the audience for this blog will scream blasphemy and that it's been a brilliant year for the PGA Tour. And I'm with you on that, but this is about entrenched golf fans. This is about the middle-of-the-road sports fan…

Hey, look! It’s the Solheim Cup

The world of golf has spent the past month or so talking about Yang. And Tiger. It's also spent the past several weeks not talking much about Stewart Cink winning the British Open.

But if there's one golf subject out there not getting enough media pla…

Y.E. Yang’s victory over Tiger Woods means one thing – Time to ban South Koreans

For the past decade or so, South Korean golfers have been a dominant presence on the LPGA Tour. With roughly three dozen South Korean women in the LPGA, tournaments can often become a battle solely between S. Korean ladies.

Carolyn Bivens believed tha…

Tiger Woods has this PGA Championship in the bag

Folks, I'm well aware I've spent the year predicting the collapse of Tiger Woods' amazing career. There are two main reasons for this. First, I am an admittedly horrible prognosticator. And second, I feel confident Tiger never reads my blog.

With that…

As Tiger Woods goes, so goes Lebron James

A short while back, Lebron James found himself in a mini-controversy when it was learned that he had asked Nike to disappear a video tape of James being dunked on. While the incident certainly isn't world-shaking by any means, it was a chance to see insi…

Tom Watson proves that modern PGA Tour players suck

There is an eternal debate amongst sports fans when it comes to their favorite sports – which generation is better? It’s always an enjoyable debate, but usually one that can never be answered with any true authority.

Luckily for us golf fans, that question has been partially answered by one Tom Watson. At 59, Watson summoned all his skill and intelligence to put on what was possibly the greatest performance ever at the British Open.

More than that, Watson proved that this generation of PGA Tour players suck.

Yes, Stewart Cink is the British Open champion – because Watson missed a putt. And Tiger Woods is still the No. 1 golfer on the planet – albeit after suffering the double whammy of seeing construction of his epic Dubai golf resort being put on hold and then crashing out of the Open in most humiliating fashion.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the remainder of the schedule will be dominated by the likes of Watson, Greg Norman or any of the other senior golfers that ply their trade occasionally on the PGA Tour. Tiger will likely rebound with a win or two, and remains the favorite at the upcoming PGA Championship. Steve Stricker, Kenny Perry and Zach Johnson will very possibly continue their solid play, as well.

But while the climax of the 2009 PGA Tour season promises to be competitive and exciting, the entire campaign will be remembered for Watson. Because with four rounds of amazing golf, Watson proved once and for all that the modern era just can’t compete with their predecessors.


A thank you to Tom Watson for keeping Open Tiger Woods free

I’m sure Tom Watson is still dealing with the harsh feelings of not being able to close the show and become the oldest major champion and becoming only the second man to win six Claret Jugs. He’s an athlete and competitor, so of course it hurts.

But his mindset will change soon enough, and when it does, I believe we all owe Watson a debt of gratitude. Because while Tiger Woods missed the cut, the Open was all set to become a Saturday and Sunday full of Tiger Woods. Why did he miss the cup? How is his knee? Oh God, how we miss him.

But Watson played four amazing rounds and shut down the Tiger talk almost completely over the weekend. It was glorious. I guess it makes sense that a man old enough to be Tiger’s grandfather is the only one able to keep Tiger quiet on a weekend at the British Open.


Tom Watson winning the British Open would change everything

If Tom Watson manages to win the British Open, everything changes. Markets will open, credit will flow like wine and the ever-growing list of pain-in-the-ass despots around will get together and change their ways, sending the world a one-line note: “Hey everyone, sorry. We’ll cut all that out now.”

A Tom Watson victory at the British Open would be like the 1980 U.S. Hockey team plus Michael Phelps plus Susan Butcher winning four Iditarods (that one’s for you, “Real America.”)

A 59-year-old American cleverly winning the Open would give the U.S. the pride it currently needs. Everything would get better. Don’t ask me how. Ask me why. Because Tom Watson showed us it could be done.

Of course, if Watson doesn’t win, we can expect the same crap until at least 2011, according to many economists. So, let’s all root for Tom, shall we?


The only thing normal about this British Open are John Daly’s pants

As Tom Watson finished his first hole of the third round of the British Open at Turnberry, I was struck by how odd it was that the 59-year hall-of-famer was a co-leader.

And then I thought about how strange it was that Tiger Woods stumbled about and missed the cut.

Then I was puzzled and pleased that former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino was tied with Watson for the lead, obviously trying to score the big win that so long eluded him in the NFL.

Really, John Daly’s pants are about the normal thing at this British Open; Should be a fun weekend.


John Daly – in the pink on and off the golf course

John Daly made the cut for the BMW PGA Championship at Wentworth in Virginia Water, England. But while his play fell off during the final round, his class was in full effect on Sunday, when he wore pink pants to show his support for Amy Mickelson, who is currently fighting breast cancer.

“I had a pair, so I figured I’d do that for her today. I thought it would be a good gesture,” Daly told the Associated Press. “I know Phil very well and I know Amy. I’ve known them for a long time – we’ve played the Tour together. She’s a great lady. She has always been a sweetheart to everybody.”

Daly’s unprovoked support of Mickelson was just the latest in a run of positive stories about Big John. Because while one can question whether the PGA Tour acted appropriately in suspending Daly for six months, the simple fact is that Daly has used the time to showcase why so many golf fans fell in love with him in the first place.

Spending his time now competing in Europe, Daly’s game has started raising some eyebrows. More than that, however, his attitude both on and off the course has been steady and professional. Noticeably slimmer following stomach surgery, Daly said in a Q&A with the Golf Blog NiceBallz that his swing is now noticeably faster.

One of the more interesting aspects of Daly’s resurgence is how he’s kept his fans in the loop. A big fan of the social networking site Twitter (where he can be found @PGA_JohnDaly), Daly’s usage of the site far exceeds most celebrities and athletes. He gladly interacts with his fans on a near-daily basis, and has amassed nearly 6,000 followers in just a short time on the site.

Daly will soon be returning the PGA Tour, where corporate sponsorships will again be awaiting him. And while it’s too early to say whether or not the form that led him to two major titles will come with him, there should be no doubt that his fans will be there to support him, wherever and whenever he plays. And lately, he’s been giving those fans plenty of positive things to support.


Wolfrum Alpha – The newest golf blog research tool!

Long-time followers of this blog are well aware that I, William K. Wolfrum, have a nearly encyclopedic knowledge of all things golf. For years, I have taken this incredible knowledge for granted, but now I have decided to do something about it, by creating “Wolfrum Alpha” the newest and most important golf blog research tool in the history of humankind.

Wolfram Alpha is the first step in an ambitious, long-term, slightly insane project to make all systematic golf knowledge immediately computable by anyone. All you need to do is input a golf question into the comment field below, and my built-in algorithms will compute the answer.

For example:

Q: Who won the 1938 Masters?

A: I don’t know.

You see, all you have to do is ask! Sure, most of the time I won’t have the correct answer, or will just make something up full cloth, or just ignore the question entirely, but that’s part of the fun. Let’s try another example:

Q: What is Tiger Woods true first name?

A: Eldrick.

See, I knew that one, and was able to give the correct answer. That is the beauty of Wolfrum Alpha – sometimes it will be correct! One more example:

Q: What is Jack Fleck best known for?

A: Jack Fleck was a U.S. general in the Revolutionary War. His brave men helped win the battle of San Francisco.

Ok, I wasn’t sure of the answer to that, so I just made something up. Can’t you see the value of that? I sure can.

So folks, enjoy Wolfrum Alpha. It promises to be the most important tool ever for golf bloggers and golf fans. Of course, it’s no “Wolfram Alpha,” but we’re getting there.


Tiger Woods on Steroids? It ‘s not a ridiculous question

For many, the controversy over performance-enhancing drugs has already passed. Much like how a great part of the nation has been rendered immune to torture due to years of knowing about it, many sports fans have reached a point where they just don’t care what athletes stick into themselves. As long as they perform, let them do what they want.

Still, there are holdovers that take umbrage to their favorite athletes cheating. And there are others who will side with their favorite athletes when they deny using steroids. Remember, we are but a decade removed from fans arguing that man-mountain Mark McGwire would never cheat.

Lance Armstrong has been accused of using performance-enhancing drugs, and has vehemently denied it. And the average American sports fan will side with him. He’s Lance Armstrong, Tour de France superstar, American hero, he would never cheat. It must be the damn jealous French out to get him.

Of course, it shouldn’t be out of line to think that Armstrong has likely cheated in the past. It’s difficult to comprehend that Armstrong – after a brilliant and inspiring fight against cancer – came back to cycling and dominated – while clean – against the world’s best cyclists, many of whom were in fact cheating.

But it seems we are supposed to believe that every athlete that has risen to the top of their sport has never cheated. All of these top, buffed athletes have previously denied, or continue to deny cheating: Armstrong, Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, Tiger Woods …

Wait, Tiger Woods? How could I conceivably think that Tiger has ever done anything either illegal or illicit? He’s Tiger Woods! As Shane Bacon at Golf Fanhouse put it: “[R]umors that Tiger may be on the juice are obviously ridiculous.”

The question that many will refuse to ask – Why is it ridiculous to wonder if Tiger has ever juiced? Is it because the PGA Tour has announced that 100 percent of the players they’ve tested are clean? Well, as we’ve seen from Major League Baseball and the NFL, sports organizations will do whatever they need to do to keep their biggest moneymakers from being found out.

Do you really think the PGA Tour would test Tiger Woods for performance-enhancing drugs unless they knew he’d be clean at the time of his test? There is just far too much money to be lost to think otherwise.

You can argue all you like that performance-enhancing drugs wouldn’t help a golfer, but, no offense, you’d be speaking out of ignorance. Because there are all types of designer drugs out there that will help athletes in any sport, golf included.

In the end, let it be known that this is in no way an accusation against Tiger. I know what everyone else knows – he has denied ever using performance-enhancing drugs, and he has now said he’s passed two drug tests. No accusation made against him (if there even have been any) holds any water, whatsoever. About the only inkling of evidence against him would be his amazing physique, but Woods’ remarkable dedication to being the best golfer ever easily explains that away.

More than anything, though, Woods is, and will continue to be, a victim of his own era. Top athletes use performance-enhancing drugs. This is clear. And while I can write with confidence that I believe Woods is clean, the idea that he may not be is anything but ridiculous.


Tiger Woods is done, repeat, done

There has always been a great problem for sportswriters when it comes to Tiger Woods. The “Tiger Conundrum” as we call it, means that Tiger is to be praised effusively when doing good, and praised effusively when he doesn’t do as good.

To put it into simple, day-to-day words – Tiger Woods is Barack Obama, with the exception of being able to land a 1-iron on a nickel from 300 yards out. Basically, like Obama, all sins are rendered moot, because for god’s sake, it’s Tiger Woods we’re talking about.

But this is why media giants like The New York Times are starting to fold like 99-Cent stores. It’s time to keep it real, people. And I will start:

Tiger Woods is finished as the best golfer in the world. Done. Kaput.

In fact, to be fair & balanced in regard to all the gushing stories about Woods over the years, I feel I may even have to crank this up a notch – Tiger Woods is finished as a golfer, and will likely end up in jail.

Now, I understand that Woods has already won a tournament since his comeback from serious knee surgery. That he’s playing as well as he is now is actually a tribute to his greatness. But it would be neither fair nor balanced to express it as such.

Because, even in the hallowed confines of this blog, I have kneeled at the gate of Tiger, going as far as calling him “Greatest Athlete Ever.”

I’m not saying that I take those words back, mind you. I’m still pretty impressed by young Eldrick, and all. But I’m just trying to keep the hyperbole pendulum as close to even as I can.

So I say again: After his collapse at The Players Championship, Tiger Woods is finished as a golfer. His mental and physical games are shot, and there’s every chance he may never even contend again in a PGA Tour tournament. He’s done.

Unless he wins again soon. Then the hyperbole pendulum will swing the other way, of course.


Barack Obama and Tiger Woods all smiles in photo from White House

Tiger woods and Barack obama

Oh to be a fly on the wall when Tiger Woods visited President Barack Obama in the White House on Monday.


Natalie Gulbis fired by Donald Trump – life gets a little less good

We all knew this day would come. We dreaded it, and paced around praying to every God we could think of, pleading for more time. But it had to come – Natalie Gulbis was fired from Celebrity Apprentice.

Yes, on Sunday’s episode of Celebrity Apprentice (not just the best TV show of all time, but arguably the best thing on the planet), Gulbis endured an epic round of fail and was summarily fired by host Donald Trump’s hair, thus ending her brilliant run on the show.

Gulbis (who apparently has two facial expressions – bemused, and slightly more bemused) failed spectacularly in her attempt to get poker star Phil Hellmuth to turn on poker star Annie Duke, and raised no money whatsoever for a jewelry auction challenge. Plus, she was scapegoated by her team for whatever reason and given the heave-ho, leaving teammate Joan Rivers a tearful puddle of botox and excess plastic cheek bones. Gulbis’ fellow teammate, Clint Black, who gave his best Dick Cheney impersonation while playing auctioneer, was saved to be an arrogant jerk for at least one more week.

Still, Gulbis (oh, wait, I thought of a third facial expression she has – extremely bemused) was a fine representative of the golf world on the show, as she somehow survived burning cupcakes, repeated acts of mocking regular folks, and showing that she has no friends with deep pockets.

Nonetheless, Gulbis being fired from the show is an epic disappointment to her many fans. As well as a huge blow to many golf bloggers who will now be forced to find something actually golf-related to write about.


Twitter users: Phil Mickelson needs your help (update: Fakery warning)

I’m a pretty new user to Twitter, but luckily I got some helpful hints from resident Twitterologist Brandon Tucker. Now if only Phil Mickelson can get some help.

Here are Mickelson’s “Tweets” thus far:

Hello all!

Trying to figure this thing out!

@rainn I am following you?

@rainnwilson I am following you?

@the_real_shaq Now Shaq I am a huge fan!

OK have fun with The Masters today!

@stewartcink Seems like you know what you’re doing! How do I increase my followers 🙂 ?

So while it’s possible this isn’t the real Phil Mickelson (Twitter is rampant with fakes), it’s still pretty funny and, dare I say, cute. So if you’re a Twitterer (you hear me Golf Girl?) go give Lefty (or faux Lefty) a hand.

Oh, and you can find me Twittering away here.

Update: Well, so much for the cuteness factor. This recent tweet is a pretty strong giveaway that it’s a fraud:

Thanks for all the follows! Can you help me get to 20,000 this week? LET’S GO!!!

Sorry, for the life of me I can’t imagine why Phil Mickelson would give a rat’s behind how many followers he has. Or why someone so new to Twitter would want 20,000 followers. So, unless I miraculously get a call from Lefty or his management team, my call is that it’s a fake. Sorry about that.

Update 2: Of course, using a fake name on Twitter rates about a .000001 on the Madoff Fraud scale, or .001 on the Martin Eisenstadt scale, so keep your torches and pitchforks where they are.